For the past 3 years, I've succumbed to nearly every undesirables possible, all done in good faith of satisfying my curiosity, laced with a tinge of addiction maybe. From the start, it was always apparent to me that I will one day, clean up and get back on track full time, to what was a greater calling - working life. Yet till today, I still question myself every night before I drift off asleep when that day will come for me to start afresh. Sometimes I even end up asking myself how I should get started. For all that matters, through my vices, I have compromised on my studies and results, things that matter most to me and the crafting of my future. I've been blind and lost for the longest time. So shall I from today, get my priorities straightened up, my first foot on the stepping stones. 

There are so many things in life I can get done! Buck up, Yu Wen.

In the dream, I was on a bus, all packed up, leaving for some where, some place. Only saturated feeling was that I was deranged from the missing of some thing, some one. I don't know where I was but almost immediately as the bus had left, I ordered a halt in its tracks, phoned the one person, and ran into the cold dark nothingness. I asked only to see him one last time. Eventually I was lost, and I bumped into different people instead, some that were significant in my life, some that were passing souls. In the dream, I was running. For a long time I was running, in relentless pursue. As the dream proceeded, I got more tired and my legs were starting to fail me. A miasma of acrimonious intoxicated deprivation reek in self? No, none of that. At the end of it when I reached a slowmo after realising that I'll never get to find what I set out looking for, it became distinct that I felt relieved. I felt unburdened from not finding the primary source of the anxiety that plagued me. 

So let's consider today to be another of those fleeting passing days, where 5pm is when the cock belts out its quasi-melodious wake up anthems, the coffee brews for morning raisin toast pairing. Though instead I decided to lay in bed with the cheese and beef pie smelling fresh out of my microwave and a cup of well, coffee brew. I watched as the salamanders made their daily rounds in their tank.

Youth to be pretended that can be wasted - I wish I could stay in this state for time eternal.

What's the point of doing so much when you don't have the face to back it up?

"My child, I watched with pride as you grew into a weapon of righteousness. Remember, our line has always ruled with wisdom and strength. And I know you will show restraint when exercising your great power. But the truest victory, my son, is stirring the hearts of your people. I tell you this, for when my days have come to an end, you..shall be..King."

The cinematic and graphics are gnawing at my insides and though I have shown to display all forms of control, deterrence and forbearance, I seem to be losing my cool. I cannot believe some of my friends have decided to re-venture into this unforgiving addiction that threatens to brutally murder and undermine the very defense I have since built up to keep myself from attempting any further conquests. They will not leave me alone until I become part of their corrupted hood.

I need to hide well.